Ross

I did not want the last post to be maybe as discouraging as it might sound...and I wanted to make sure that I stress that Ross is good to me on many levels...he makes sure I have money for
whatever I want and in that way I do have the best of everything...I have the latest sewing machine, the best embroidery machine, & I have a really nice house, etc. he gets me what I want and what he thinks I need...I have tried telling him, begging him, and crying to him that what I really want is for him to help me a little around the house, to spend a little time with me and just to listen to me, even if he thinks it is not noteworthy...and then he does try and do things like I would like but it does not continue very long before we are back into the usual...
I guess after 37 years of marriage, I should realize that nothing is going to change...
but does that make it OK??? maybe OK is not the words for it...do I just do what I do and keep my mouth shut???
the purpose of this post was to ask myself if it is worth everything to move with him to Whidbey and leave ALL I have known and loved behind??? and I guess that is the answer I have to find out myself...will it be lonely in Whidbey??? cause ever since I have known him,even when we were in our 20's he has always taken a nap, always...so that will never change...and I tell myself he must need it so, I usually don't say anything about naps but unless I have something (& usually it has to be quiet) to do, it does get very lonely, and here at least I have kids and grandkids to talk to...if things were to continue in Whidbey like they are here, it WILL definitely be lonely and a lot more lonely than I ever thought here...
he is good to me, maybe just not how I want...
we have so grown apart that sometimes I look at him and actually see someone that I don't know...and it is sad...would I feel really horrible if something happened??? of course I would and that part of me wants to make everything all right and that part says, "go to Whidbey, maybe it is your last part of your life to make it all OK..." and what if that was my last chance to rediscover him as he used to be (me too for that matter?) I know we cannot continue this way as we have no quality of life, per se...would we up there??? we have no personal life, it has been taken away by many many things...this antler thing I knew was going to be hard but had no idea of how HARD it actually would be...it is a constant roller coaster...high ups and very low downs...most times you can never do anything right...but, the good times are...well...good and I have some really good times...the kids and grandkids, well...sometimes I desperately need a vacation from them, cause I deal with their daily drama and the older I get the less patience I have for longer periods with little kids even tho I love them dearly...but, a vacation is one thing and moving so far away from them is quite another...I love being involved in the girl's schools, and making them clothes and seeing them giggle together...why does this have to be so hard???

I just do not know what to do...