greener grasses and roller coasters...

the grass is always greener, right??? sometimes I find myself wishing for a slightly different life...some portions of my life just are wearing me down...and saying that, I hate to get to the dark part of the wearing down...the "depression hurts" feeling again...wonder if I didn't have the other influences in my daily life, would I be all right on my own??? some mornings when I just get out of bed, I can feel the "dark" already...did it just appear, or occur because of something that had previously happened...and believe me, there has been lately, plenty of happenings...some days like now, I want to go to bed, pull the covers up over my head and not deal...not to sleep...I can never sleep during the day...I just don't want to deal...
we went (surprise) out to breakfast, and I told Greg I didn't want to go home...couldn't figure out where to go, just not home...and everything he suggested, didn't appeal to me...so, home we came...
the expression, "when mom isn't happy, no one is happy" most likely applies to my situation right now, I am sure...and for my part in that, I apologize but, I also think I am entitled, am I???

before I met Greg and I had moved from home, had a very small one bedroom...I was lonely, wished I had companionship...never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would or could wish for a little of that now...sometimes I just want a few minutes to myself, to even go to the bathroom by myself, to think without any disruptions, to be able to lay down and have no one want something...sometimes it seems that no one here can make a decision at all without me being involved somehow...did I put myself in that situation??? and if I did, how do I get out of it???

the house is getting too much for me...the normal every day is wearing me down...the dishes are never done...there is always piles of laundry...floors to scrub, toilets to clean, vacuuming...you get the picture...and then throw in the yards with all the landscaping...I don't think I am trying to keep up appearances to keep up with the Jones' but, I like nice and neat and I do not have it...and it is driving me crazy...not sure what will happen when I have surgery and am recuperating for 6 weeks...how long will it take to get it back to my standards, especially when it is not even to my standards right now...I am exhausted trying to get anyone to help me...it is easier to let Greg take his naps...if he is not sitting in front of me, while I am working it doesn't get to me so bad...when he worked and the kids were at school all day (& even when I had a full time job) the house was better then...I coped better then...what is wrong now??? what is wrong???

guess it doesn't help that I have that chemical type headache all over my head, does it???

I want off of this crazy roller coaster, I hate roller coasters anyway..............................................

Elk's party

got up early since I had cupcakes to make...like to whip the heck out of my cakes in the mixer...so, I put the mixer on and went and took a shower...it came out sooooo creamy...the mix said I would get 24 cupcakes, and after beating it so much, I got 34...
Zoe had begged to come over (slept the night at mom's) and as soon as she got here, she wanted to go to Jazzy's....for those of you who do not know, Jazzy is the grand daughter of my neighbors across the street...Bill and Lin...she is 70 and yesterday was Bill's 80th birthday...they had tons and tons of people come to the party and our poor little street has problems accomodating too much traffic...especially parking traffic...but it went ok...so, this morning Zoe wanted to be with Jazzy...so, I went with her, in my pajamas, I might add, to ask Lin if Jazz could go with us to the party...she said sure...she always has Zoe over when Jazz comes up from
Santa Monica, which is usually about once every month or so...Zoe and Jazzy are the best of friends, hopefully they will be so forever...

Debbie dropped the 2 little ones off for me to get ready for the party...all 3 of my kids looked cute...I had bought Zoe the social butterfly set from Gymboree last year and then I found Si the matching smocked dress and I was going to make the baby a matching jon jon and then they buzzed his hair and he just looked too old for a jon jon, so I found a cute tangerine striped tee to match the girls and I got him brown and tangerine sandals...

since Greg is going to be the exalted ruler next year, he was in charge of the Easter party and he and the women did a good job...Tim even went down and helped move tables etc...they had macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, veggies, chips and cupcakes...the "bunny" really "Cliff" was so great...and surprisingly CJ liked him, sat on his lap, showed the bunny the eggs that he had hunted...he kept looking for the bunny..."bunny outside???"
all in all, we had a fantastic time...

rummage sale

Saturday morning at 5am... up to set up for the preschool rummage sale at my house...long, hard day of selling...but the thing is...we did it...yeah...
made about 900-1000, but what really got me was that we made over 130 on bake sale alone...
good people to help us and a fantastic bbq afterwards...sometimes a bbq'd hot dog is just the bomb...good potato salad, great hot dogs, deviled eggs, macaroni salad...just an overall good day...fast clean up and the day was done...
to tired to cook since out in the sun all day, I had pot pie, others had the
pulled pork leftover from the other ...
to bed by 9...cupcakes to do for the Elk's party tomorrow...

cute story...had Debbie drop Si off for the sale today so she could enjoy the day and also see all of her old teachers that were here for the sale...she overheard Zoe telling her mom's co workers that Tim is taking her to Tokyo...when we got in the car to take Si home, she tells Tim, "I heard you are taking Zoe to Pinnochio (Tokyo !!!)" it was so cute and then she asked are you taking me somewhere??? he told her he would take her anywhere she wanted and she said Disneyland...so he said ok...

hip hip horray for school

even if it is only one day a week...did not sleep well last night at all...coughing way too much at night and then was nauseated (think from one of my pills, have to figure out whcih one...)
but, got Zoe off for school, mornings like this one, am so glad that I do get everything out the night before...actually she was up before me today...and she got dressed well without me asking her...
came home (Greg wanted to go get breakfast, but since I am exhausted, I turned him down) and I laid down and slept for 1 1/2 hours (that is really not like me...)

once I was awake, put dinner on in the crock pot, made pulled pork for sandwiches...
recipe is fairly easy and I have made before and everyone seems to like it...

1 16oz can tomato sauce
2 cups bbq sauce
1 big pork shoulder...

put all in crock pot and cook away...if you want you can add onions, chilis, whatever...
the problem being, I forgot to plug the crock pot in so it will be good for tomorrow...already is shredding really well and looks delicious...

so,since it was just Tim and me, he bought me a Marie Callendar meal of turkey and mashed potatoes...

really really tired tonight, just informed little princess we would be going to be pretty soon...night all...

wednesday

I didn't eat last night, too much to do so, woke up this morning really hungry...went out to breakfast and then wouldn't you know, I didn't eat that much at all...
came home and did the usual; home schooling,cleaning and rummage sale...
busy all afternoon, you know I am busy when I don't touch jewel quest all day, didn't even check my email till late evening...


greg had early Elk's tonight, so I made cheese fondue for dinner...don't make t too often as Greg hates it but Tim. Chris and Zoe all love it...
we have it with: cut up french bread, little smokies, celery and carrots, and my favorite wheat thins...

recipe:

melt 1 cube butter in pan, add 6 tbs flour, stir and let heat through to cook flour taste out, carefully a little at a time, add 3 cups of milk, add garlic salt and pepper and when thickened, add shredded cheddar cheese to taste and stir through till melted...

bed early night...
got everything together for Zoe for school tomorrow....

monday and tuesday...

ok, so am really busy with rummage sale, etc...but, still need to blog...especially since I also want this blog to service as a family tree archive long after I am gone...

Monday, cleaning and doing rummage sale stuff pretty much all day...am getting more and more of the house cleaned...I am pretty embarrassed with how my house looks lately...seems to be it really went down hill with the 2 latest heart attacks...and with the % of heart function so low, there is no energy for me at all...the heart attack I had when Zoe was in kindergarten was the worst one in relation to low heart function (I left the hospital at only 10%...0nly figured out how bad that was when they sent home nurses with me for weeks after...and then the one I had in 2009, & was up to 25%% but, still very low for their expectations...that is why I got the pacemaker and defib. placed...they're hoping the pacemaker will help strengthen the heart muscle...along with the heart meds I take...

so, back on subject...it is overwhelmingto keep the houese and the yards up...I am a perfectionist for my yards) it& is slowly getting to be too much for me and no offence to anyone since i have spoiled them for so long and have done for them for so long, it is hard retraining them to help me more...the house and the yard are almost too much to handle...it is like everywhere I look it is a mess, and now with the runnage sale stuff it makes us look like pack rats...I guess I will get there to the point that I want to be sometime but, it is a long and arduous process...

homeshcooled Zoe quite a bit today and she did get a lot done, think she behaves on Mondays as that is bowling night and she loves to go to the playroom with other kids....

didn't make dinner, for one, I have felt sick all day, really naseous and I have this bad cough that just will not go away...I go into these horrible coughing sprells where I end up chocking...

and second, we have bowling tonight and this is the last night and depending how you bowl,you have a chance to win some money...
so, we went bowling and I did not do that bad tonight, maybe I should bowl sick more often...

greg did extremely well bowling and he has 3 broken toes...

Zoe went with us and she had pizza there=

long night, finally got to bed at about 11.

OK Tuesday...
once again got up early and had breakfast and came home to the same, rummage sale and cleaning...Chris and I rocked in the back yard and it really is geting to look nice...that took us awhile...when Chris left, we went to Target and I got Si and Cj new shoes for the Easter party on Sunday that Greg is in charge of...the girls are wearing matching gymboree tangerine gingham smocked dresses and I had wanted to make the baby a matching gingham jon jon, but with everything else going on, settled on a cute tangerine striped polo and khaki shorts...hoping they will fit...

came home and made home chicken noodle soup for dinner and everyone liked it...

tired tonight, so we were in bed by 10...

saturday & sunday...

Saturday morning, Tim took Zoe to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid, so Greg and I took the other two little ones to Wal Mart and to Mc Donalds for lunch...Si was a little upset since we did not go to playground Mc Donalds but we did it that way as we had to wait for Tim's prescription...
since he has not insurance, we tried to fill it at Rite Aid and they wanted $165.00, so we decided to try Wal Mart since the doctor said the rx was on the $4.00 list...well, Wal Mart wanted $65.00...so I walked away but, Greg went back & explained about insurance, etc...they then only charged $10.00...not complaining tho...

so, while at Wal Mart, they had the Easter bunny walking around...Si said she could tell it was not the real one, cause she saw the girl's hair, and when the bunny came over to the baby, he would not even look at her...just kept looking straight ahead...think he was a little scared...

took the little ones home and then got Zoe and Tim and she had behaved really well, according to Tim...she loves Wimpy Kid and has read every one of their books...Tim also took her out to lunch and to Borders and got her a book...he always goes to Panera to get me chocolate chip cookies (they are so good...

worked on rummage sale for the afternoon, looked up on my other blog, how much we made the last time, and it was $1200.00...we will not even be that close this time...but, whatever we make will all right with me...more than we started with, right???

made homemade macaroni and cheese, biscuits, and little smokies in bbq sauce and sometimes a dinner like that just tastes so good...

Zoe was supposed to stay the night at home, but once again talked me into her staying with me...it is not that bad, she does what I say, and we both went to bed at 10:30...her cough is back and that worries me...I had really been weaning her from the 4-6 breathing treatments a day, and so the night before last, I was trying no treatments at all...so, now I
see that it does not work...she needs the treatments...that's all there is to it...was hoping she could do without it, but it showed me that she can't...

Brant did buy her a new helmet today...

Sunday

went to Wal Mart to get me a new pair of shoes, for the party today...new officers being installed at Elk's and they always have a cocktail party before the actual ball...I was kind of dreading it, but do it for Greg...I don't know a lot of the people there, but they are nice and it went all right...we are not party people and we do not drink, so that is not our scene but we go to make an appearance...since it will be Greg's role next, he has to make a good appearance...won't really like to be responsible to give the next party and it sure won't be at our house...this year and the previous years I have gone, the houses are always spectacular, and especially Martha's today...

came home to Zoe waiting for me...not sure what she will go without me when I have my surgery and then rehab for so long...am worried about her...

anyways, her little friend up the street, Lauren asked her to come play and she loves it there...

made meat loaf, corn and rice a roni for dinner tonight...after being away for the better part of the afternoon, was looking for something easy...plus, have to start using all the oven dishes up, as it is already getting hot here...today was in the 80's today and should be about the same all week...
Chris has been a big help with housework and with dinner this week and today was no exception...

tuna...

early morning as princess had her one day of school...but, we are always ready the night before...clothes are out (another new set from Crazy 8), lunch is made, shower the night before, etc...she didn't really want to get up, but once she did she was fine and got together just fine...I had a preschool mtg. so had to get ready also...

picture to the left is of her, home from school, happy on Disney.com playing Tiana...doesn't she look cute??? she came home all happy after seeing her friends...it is cute and I wish she had more of that...

quiet day, cleaning...really did the computer room good and while cleaning, noticed the phone had messages...one was from my cardiologist (the pacemaker one) that said I had an appt. for 3, but could I come in at 1:30 instead??? it was already 1:34, but Greg called and they said come in now...

I needed to see the Medtronics guy (they run an electrode across your pacemaker and then plug it into a computer for info...)also...but that office is always packed and you should plan at least 2 hours there...Dr. said all looks ok, will take another echo in 3 months to see if % has gone up...first it went from 10, and then last time it was 29...so, we will see...also made an appt with the other cardio that will have to clear me for surgery...it is on March 30th...the girl behind the desk, said that that day will be horribly packed and so she did us a favor and put us as first patient of the day...

so, then it was time to pick Zozo up and I sent Sam instead as it really hurts my knees going down those stairs...

Zoe wanted to ride her bike so I sat out there for quite awhile watching her...

made sloppy joes, tator tots and corn for dinner...of course little princess is not a meat eater, so she had 2 whole tuna melts...now, this seems to be her very favorite for the time being...loves, loves, loves tuna...and once I introduced her to melts, she is smitten...btw, she also had tuna for her lunch at school...never thought I would get her to eat tuna...really surprised...she can't eat meat, but she can eat fish???

forgot to mention that while at cardio...saw Becky Johnston...haven't seen her in ages...during Zoe's second grade at Magnolia, I helped Becky almost every day...she was the librarian...gave her Greg's card as it seems we have both lost each other's info...

bedtime...night

btw...Chris was discharged with hypertensive crisis...it is really running in this family...all 3 of my kids have hypertension right now...Tim's is out of control, dentist won't even touch him right now cause of it...

shamrock day...

Greg had an early hospital appt. so I woke little princess up and went off for a 2 hour long journey, me on my scooter and her on her bike...(needed to be gone for someone special) so, we
went to Carl's Jr. for breakfast (she now loves the bacon and egg burritos...) and the hash browns...
so, after we ate she wanted to go to Rite Aid to see if they had gotten the erasable colored pencils yet as they were out the last time we were there...they had some but, only 8 colors and she wanted 24...so, I suggested going on up to Staples, that they might have them there...was not a bad ride to Staples at all...they had the pencils, but then she decided she wanted sticker paper instead...(she is on this kick where she wants to make her own stickers...)
soon after getting home, Greg also returned and took us up to Killarney's (an Irish pub and eatery) where last year, it was impossible to get into eat, but you could at least watch the Irish dancers and listen to the music...this year they completely changed it, and you (to see or hear anything) had to pay a cover charge...good idea but no go...

made princess work on Irish stuff, made her write a report on Ireland and also one on
St. Patrick, then she had an Irish crossword puzzle, word search and some coloring pages...she did pretty well on the reports...

I of course made corned beef, boiled potatoes, carrots and fried cabbage...Zoe and I also made
Irish soda bread...
Zoe was very proud of herself with the bread, she really liked kneading it...

have to go get all of the princesse's stuff out for school tomorrow...see you tomorrow...

pray that nothing serious is wrong with Chris, in ER with chest pain...

monday and tuesday

so, yesterday was bowling and I was hesitate about going with my knees, but went anways...one game did 122 (my 2nd best)...Randy one of the guys on our team gives me good pointers and I am doing better...

Tim took us to Wendy's for dinner so we wouldn't have to eat bowling alley food...

got up on Tuesday and surprise, went out to breakfast and had little princess do home schooling at the restaurant, and she is doing a little better doing what I tell her...

put the new blinds up and they look so good why do I let them get so bad looking when they are only like 4.00 a piece???

cleaned the back yard and then priced for rummage sale...

made hamburgers for dinner...

had to post another of Zoe's hairdos and then a present Sam got me...

till tomorrow...

sunday dinner

made beef stroganoff for dinner, it is Tim's absolute favorite...

he isn't home yet so he hasn't eaten, but it was pretty good...

am tired tonight...cleaned the computer room really good since the Charter guy is coming out tomorrow we are "bundling" all our electronics together...

hoping little princess will hit the books hard tomorrow...

night

smile

do you think God has a sense of humor???

the last 2 days, I have been living in that depression commercial (you know the one that asks "who does depression hurt?" ) and I always feel more sorry for the dog that is just laying there...it is obvious that even the dog feels when everyone is in a funk...just look at me wrong and I will cry (& I know everyone that knows me will say hey you cry easy anyway...) but, I feel just well, depressed...why??? too much to go into and I don't want to bore anyone...

I said in January that one of my resolutions was to work on my depression more...think that just about every american has some % of mental illness in them...so, knowing that I am only hanging onto my everyday life by a very thin thread...I could (most likely) handle my own life ok, it is when all other sorts of stress is added, that is when I feel myself heading to a sort of "dark" place...I hate feeling like this...mental disease & or depression is so overwhelming...trying hard today to get over it...

so back to God...I would seriously hope he has a sense of humor, cause sometimes right at the absolute worst times, I see signs of "hey, thanks God for that..."

today it was that I was outside sweeping the porch, and there were several squirrels playing around our tree...not sure why it made me smile...

and then the present Tim got me...check out the picture of the pig...

kids

our usual Saturday, watching Si and CJ and of course Zoe tags along...went to breakfast, to Golden Ox, which Si calls Goldies...that girl loves her hash browns...she usually wants the pancake special but, soon discovered she didn't get hash browns with them...then, she always has to copy Zoe but, when it comes to her breakfast she knows what she wants...not grilled cheese for her...now Zoe could eat grilled cheese (or rice) every day of the week and never get tired of it...Cj kept asking Zoe for some fries and then would say thank you...loves to sit at the restaurant and see the buses and keep saying, "more bus..." he is so funny...if he wants to go outside, he'll say, "outside, me???" I can understand just about anything he says...

after breakfast, took them to the park and let them run around for like an hour...they had fun...we found (well really Zoe knew of it) this other park...we usually go to Shamel Park but, there was a party there and baseball and soccer...this "new" park was really nice and we will probably go there from now on...Zoe and Si were playing with this brother and sister and they all played good together...Zoe thought the boy was cute...

since I have all 3 kids and it is a little hectic, Sam took both girls back at her house to watch movies and I have the baby...also did get dishes done and picked up a little...

Debbie came and got the baby...Sian and Zoe and Chris are going to camp out in the backyard in the tent...they have hotdogs, marshmallows, etc planned...it is a little chilly tonight, hope they don't get too cold...we have every blanket available out there...while Chris was setting up the tent, I got another flower bed weeded, they are looking good...

took a picture of Si and Zoe on the computer, singing to songs they looked up...too cute...neither one of them can sing all that well, but, hey what the heck??? they don't care what they sound like...I was just surprised that they both knew the words to all the songs...

made meatball soup for dinner...so simple and so delicious...

my own recipe...

2 pkgs beef stew seasoning mix

8 cups of water

noodles

frozen peas

packaged meatballs

heat to boiling the water and seasoning mix, add meatballs, noodles and peas...cook until noodle are done...

made biscuits to go with it....

Greg said, "best dinner you've made in a long time..." LOL...

2 funny things that happened today...

1. our old mail man ended our route yesterday and this morning we got a new one, who came extremely early ( we never get our mail until late afternoon....) Zoe went out and got the mail and comes in and with such flair handed out the appropriate mail to each person...we laughed cause it was like Christmas morning...we joked that everyone got a present (mail) and poor Zoe said, "I didn't get anything..." it was so cute...

2. after Chris got the tent set up, and it started getting dark, Sian says, "daddy, can you go get us a tv?" for camping??? get real...but then Zoe says, "when you get the tv, will you get me a fan???" city girls not used to camping...we did finally give in and took Grandpa's portable DVD player out there and they are all cozy watching Aquamarine, a good mermaid movie...

good night all...

busy bee day

worked so hard today, dind't even touch my computer all day...

went out to breakfast, I know we go out too much but, what can I say??? then Wal Mart cause 2 of the window blinds in the computer room need replacing...I need 24 inches and wouldn't you know they either have 23 or 25...I got 25 and they are too big...Zoe got tissue paper, wants to make more lanterns that they made at her one day a week school...they take tissue paper in small amounts and glue it to a baby food jar and then put a votive candle inside...she wants to make some for the rummage sale...

so, once again she was not on her best behavior for home schooling...sometimes I just give up...so, I just went outside and weeded a lot of my gardens...Sam came home and took the princess home with her and I continued with weeding until Greg got up from his nap and then we went to Home Depot to get a lawn mower and I got some more flowers to plant...I was outside most of the day...

wanted a quick dinner so I made hamburger, rice and gravy...added sliced almonds and chow mein noodles also...haven't had this for awhile and it really tasted good tonight...

little princess came back over tonight and now has decided to do school work with a good attitude...why now???

I am so sick of her hair since she has decided to grow out her bangs...they just hang over to one side and it looks crappy...so, this morning tried pulling them back into a pony tail and then pulling that one into another pony...she had a meltdown, hated it, wanted it out...and I stood my ground and told her no...she was to wear it like that for the morning and if she still hated it, could take it down but then we were going to go get her bangs cut like they used to be...well, we were in Wal Mart and she looked in a mirror there, and decided that she liked her hair the way it was...and tonight it is still like that...so we had a meltdown for nothing......

dress she is wearing is Indian Summer from Gymboree and my most favorite line ever...surprised that I could find a dress from this line in new condition...

got dishes to do....................................................

when did it happen???

I am old...period...and I am not sure exactly when it happened...it like happened overnight...don't even want to say how old I will be in a little over one month...OMGosh...
I realize that it is mind over matter but, all of a sudden I feel old...
the couple across the street from me ( & I totally respect them so much) take really good care of themselves but, she was just 70 last month and he will be 80 next week...and they totally do not look or act like their ages...they both still hold down jobs and he never sits still...always out doing yard work or washing cars, etc...but, they eat healthy and walk all the time (she is a nurse...) I want to be more like them...

when my kids were little, they were sickly and we saw lots of specialists for them...pediatricians, immunologists (Chris' low immunology), infectious disease specialists (Tim's osteomylitis), asthma specialists (both Sam and Chris), gastro (Chris' esophagus) surgeons (Chris & Sam) eye doctors, well you get the picture...at one time they even thought Tim had leukemia...so we were there a lot, a whole lot and saw many many doctors...up until a certain point I myself was fairly healthy...hadn't had to see many doctors...then it started and I guess that is when I started getting old...

now it seems that as each specialist is added to my list, the older I get...the older I feel...I really don't like doctors and I hate hospitals...I wait until the last possible moment before I go for anything wrong...(remember the time I waited so long after throwing up blood??? and I needed 4 blood transfusions???)

every pill that they add to my growing list makes me feel all the older...

it also brought senior(itis) all the more closer and hit home when my ex brother in law just died...word is he died from a massive heart attack at home...we were close at one time, and he was someone that you thought would be around forever...

this latest surgery thing is scaring me, especially when they say how extensive it is and how much blood loss and how long I will be hospitalized...I am more worried on how my house will look when all is said and done...

thursday, wonderful thursday...

Zoe has classes on Thursday...remember one day of the week??? surprisingly she got up fairly well...she was excited to go today...for some reason she really wants to go today...when we went to Ralph's yesterday, we bought cookies for her Magic Treehouse class...so, her clothes were out and lunch made and this morning went all right, not ugly like usual...she wore (another) new outfit from Crazy 8, more strawberry stuff...we even got her there early with (get this) breakfast in her too...WOW...

Greg and I actually got to go out to breakfast by ourselves...what a treat...the owner of the place asked where Zoe was...good eggs and potatoes this morning...

after breakfast, I had a Dr. appt...told Greg that we made out when the ER gave me this Dr. when I had my 2nd heart attack and appeared in the ER with no primary physician...he is wonderful...will sit there and talk to you for as long as you need him to...Greg and him almost always talk about insurance, politics, whatever...today it was about a local hospital (one that my Dr. uses) that is going to close...so, he said that my blood tests came back Ok (for folic acid and vitamin deficiencies)...he had said if some of those had been low, could account for some memory loss...told him I was not happy with neurologist and I was not going to do a sleep study...so, onto the orthopedist...he said as long as the cardiologist clears me for surgery, then he will also...he said that after surgery to plan on being in a rehab hospital for minimum of 4 weeks...I DID NOT KNOW THIS PART AND MAKES ME NOT WANT TO DO IT ALL THE MORE...

came home and worked my butt off pricing for the preschool rummage sale, which if I have not said on this blog, is going to be here at our house...last time, we did it here it worked out ok...not a lot of donations so far this year and it is in 2 weeks, so we will see...told the director of the preschool whatever happens we will deal with it...it might not be this huge thing, maybe just a small yard sale, but it is more than what we started with...worked all day on pricing and actually finished everything that we have...

no one was home except Greg and me, so we went out to Coco's for dinner...used to go once a week and haven't been there for ages...Thursday is chicken and wild rice soup, the best...and I had the roast turkey dinner...simply delicious...

am I sick???

I mean, really...what is wrong with me???

I have cooked (good) for a number of days now and I really do love to cook, but you know how life gets in the way and can totally stress you out and then everything is rushed, including dinner...

not tonight although...

this is Tim's plate and he thought I was crazy taking a picture...don't ask me why he puts ketchup on his potatoes...

menu:

herb roasted chicken

oven roasted potatoes

garlic cheese biscuits and

maple glazed carrots...

sounds good, right??? and then wouldn't you know by the time I am all done with dinner, for some reason I am not hungry...I do that a lot...guess I taste test too much while cooking...

corn chowder

today was a busy hectic day...home schooling can be sooooo good but it can also be sooooo ugly when a certain person gets her little stubborn streak and does not want to cooperate...it took almost 4 hours to do 2-3 pages...when it is good, I think I could do another year of this...I really love this little girl and I enjoy spending time with her, but when it is ugly, well, you get the idea...
she is going to go to charter school a couple of days next year and it might do both of us good...I think sometimes that it endangers our relationship, me having to come down hard on her...oh well...
so, after Sam got home little princess was made to go home and give me a badly needed break for a little while...

had to go have my blood work drawn...the dr. wanted it down already, but my veins are bad and so I procrastinate and since my dr appt. is tomorrow, thought it better get done...they only had to stick me 3 times (that is not too bad...)

got home a little late and then there was a phone call that I needed to return...Tina is a very nice lady that we bowl with and is a little lonely and when she calls, I will be on the phone for awhile...

Tim offered to take us out to dinner, and usually I do not refuse an invitation like that, but, I am
in a cooking mood lately...so, I decided to make corn chowder...I used to be afraid of soups and stews, never really had homemade ones growing up...but, have really researched them on the internet and now am coming up with my own...one day just using ingredients we had on hand make the most delicious meatball and pea soup...everyone loved it...

corn chowder

1/2 cup butter
6 tbs flour
1 large or 2 small chicken broth
2 cans evaporated milk

melt butter, add flour and whisk in and let flour cook down and then slowly add broth to not get lumps and milk and let thicken...sometimes when Zoe is not eating I will brown one cut up onion in the butter before adding the broth and milk...

add as much corn for as thick as you like your soup (I use frozen and we like ours thick) so I add one large pkg of frozen corn

I also like to add 2 cans of potatoes, cut up and 2 carrots also cut up...

I of course add seasonings, mine are garlic salt and pepper and when done, I add cooked bacon as a garnish...

so simple, I am not afraid of it...

last night's was so creamy and so delicious...

Greg had 2 bowls of soup when he got home from Elk's and Samantha had one, even picky Zoe had some so there was no leftovers at all (which is unusual for our house...)

mondays always get me down

not really, but they are hectic...Greg and I bowl in a league every Monday...tho, I knew I wasn't going today, I still had a lot to do...like to make dinner before we are supposed to go...today I made:

mock lasagna and you should try it...

for the sauce you need
1 can (1lb 12 oz) can of stewed tomatoes
1 can (16 oz) tomato sauce
2 cups of water

mix sauce ingredients heat to boiling and let simmer for 15 minutes...

then I add cooked hamburger and I also add cooked italian sausage...

layer sauce with uncooked wide egg noodles, ending with sauce and cheese...

I sometimes also layer ricotta cheese in with the other ingredients...

sooooooo good...

then I also made sweet potato cake and took one to Sam's preschool for their staff mtg...they all said that they loved it, even without frosting as I took to them still hot out of the oven...

sweet potato cake

1/2 cup melted butter
1 1/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup nuts
2 tsp vanilla
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1/2 cup baby food (yes I said baby food) sweet potatoes (it is one of the small jars, stage 2??)
1 can (8 3/4 oz) crushed undrained pineapple

this cake was made to be made completely in the baking pan...you melt the butter in the pan, and add the wet ingredients and the egg...then add in the flour, salt, soda, and cinnamon...fold in the nuts...

bake at 325 for approx 45 min...

this makes an 8 inch pan...


Bake at 350 for approx 45 min...

soooooo delicious...it is like carrot cake, only without grating all those annoying carrots...our cake for home only has like 3 pieces left and I doubled the recipe...Sian even called after Chris took some to her and said it was the best cake she ever had...so, there you go, a good review from a 5 year old...

Zoe helped with the cakes and it goes toward home schooling also...for the math, etc...her home school teacher likes to read her recipes each time she comes...we are filling up her cookbook, every time we make something, we type and print it and she will have a nice recipe file for later with all of our family' s favorites...
a couple of Christmas' ago, I typed up all of our favorites and gave a cookbook to Sam Tim and Chris...I even gave one to Zoe's pre K teacher...she loved it...

so, I am waiting for Greg to come home from bowling...when we first started bowling, we were doing it for the fun of it...but, I am horrible at it...I do not even understand all the bowling terms, but I do good if I get to the 80's or 90's and I don't get gutter balls...for half of this time, Greg and I were the only ones on our team, and then 2 guys joined us and Randy has really been showing me some good tips and I have done better...last week, I even got a 150 !!!!! wow, everyone incl me were surprised...I didn't go tonight cause Greg said he doesn't want my knee to get worse...so, I am waiting on pins and needles to see how many games we won without me...

tent city

Zoe had had (& probably still does, must be in garage...many of those kid tents...but, she wants one now...so, instead of me having to weave my way thru the garage, she decided to make one herself...

btw...notice another new outfit from Crazy 8???

do you like the umbrella door??? the flashlight she has is the one she bought for her dad for Christmas and he sent it back home with her...

think we may be in this for the long haul...she came out only long enough to snag Grandpa's dvd player, a ton of movies and even some snacks...lol...

when good things go bad

when did things start going downhill??? and this goes for all dads who are not doing what they should...eddie, chris whomever ---whomever is reading this...

when did a girlfriend mean more to someone than your own little children??? this goes for eddie included...

when did it become all right to cancel planned events with your children cause your girlfriend required your presence???

why does it sound like a good idea to you to take your 3 week vacation to take care of a new girlfriend that you have known only a few weeks??? could you have used that time to spend time with a certain little children???

and when was it ok to delay your child support payment???

when did it become all right to take your sickly asthmatic child to spend the night in a house where everyone smokes???

why on earth would you agree to take this child for the weekend and then not give her the appropriate medicine for asthma and pneumonia and then also not to hop right onto a headache with medicine knowing that she gets 'migraines" and if not helped right away, it turns into something very ugly???

do I need to go on??? am I the only one here that sees something very wrong with this situation???

so, if I want things different for my grand children than my own children had, what do I do now??? I have already stepped up...I started stepping up a long time ago...

I am not touting my own horn here, but what would Sam do without us??? I love this little girl so very much and would do anything in the world for her and this is why when we went on our anniversary trip and Greg said that I could take Zoe with us, I took her with us, cause darn it all anyways if I am doiong the ugly things, like fevers, vomiting, etc. then I also deserve the good times too...

I am done talking about this subject for now.........................................don't get me started again......

to be a daddy, part two

1. the subject of this post (and the previous one) has really been on my mind for awhile now...I am not just coming down hard on dads, guess I should also sometime do a post on moms also... and these postings have to do with every dad I have seen or known about who are not doing right by their children...
   
   btw the titles of these two posts came from a sort of funny thing that happened many years ago...a "friend" of mine had something horrible happen to her and she had no one at the time to lean on and so when she needed "help" my husband very graciously offered to stand up and "help" her...he went with her when she needed an abortion...(now please don't get me started) I absolutely do not in any way agree with abortions, but in this case it was very much called for...she was in a very bad state and for her this was the only solution...so, here is my terrific husband taking a day off from work to help out a friend of mine...but, he decided to wear this certain shirt that day, that the kids and I had gotten him for Father's Day...when he came home after all was said and done, he told me, "everyone kept looking at me like I was strange..." I then pointed out to him, that his tee shirt said, "anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy..." I am sure that the people at the clinic thought he was my friend's significant other...
   
   OK back to subject...
   
   so, knowing that mistakes were previously made, don't you think life should have changed by now??? in other words I was really hoping that the same things that happened with my own kids would not have then happened again with the grand kids...when Zoe (& since she was the first grand child) was born, everyone was thrilled, ecstatic, over the moon and I especially was, her being a girl...when I had Samantha, I don't think I truly appreciated her being a girl as much as I could have...you know what I am talking about, the girly things...I dressed her up in overalls and the such, and if I could've done it differently now, well you know...then I had 2 boys and I guess that is when I started truly appreciating girly apparel...
   
   when my sister died and we got custody of her 2 small children (Ashley was 2 and Brandon was 3 at the time, and my own were 10-12-14, so I had not had small kids for awhile...) the first thing I did, when I knew they were coming was go to Mervyn's and stock up on pink and lace and barrettes...then wouldn't you know, once she came to us, SHE was not a girly girl at all...but, boy did Brandon like to dress up (not in girly things) but, thru me, he started liking everything to match and loved getting cute socks...when I took him shopping with me, we had to check out socks first and he loved his tees too...I started painting his shirts, cause he knew what he wanted but it was not always easy to find in stores..when the Dalmation movie came out, it was his idea to have a tee with matching socks to see the movie...and then he had to have a shirt with a school bus on it, so when we walked up to meet my kid's school bus, he had his shirt on...we at the time were in Val Verde school district, and Brandon called it Bal Berde!!! Ashley could have cared less, she mostly liked to wear nothing but panties, she loved taking her clothes off...
   
   a funny story...when the kids first came to us, and I had splurged at Mervyn's for them, the first day Brandon wanted to go out and play and I got his clothes out (& I love Osh Kosh overalls) but I got them out, and he refused to wear them...he said, "my other mommy in heaven said that I never have to wear those anymore..." after I explained that he either wear them or he could not play outside, he also loved Osh Kosh after that and that is all he would wear...
   
   do you love it when I keep getting off subject??? but I also wanted this blog to be about memories, so when I am gone the stories will be archived somewhere...so there...
   
   one memory that I will never forget is when I found out that I would have a grand child...Sam at 19 had had ovarian tumors and the night of her surgery the dr. told us, they might have to take "everything" meaning that having babies in the future might not be...we made a decision at the time to do what needed to be done to stabilize my daughter...we would worry about the future later...when the dr came out after surgery I could tell by his face that not all was well but he explained that they left a tiny piece of one ovary in the hopes that much later invitro would have to be used along with this tiny bit of ovary to hopefully get pregnant...at that point, we did not care, she was only 19 and now at least we knew what was wrong with her and the pain would ease and she would be all right...she was stabilized for the time...
   
   so, fast forward many years and now she was married, but he knew that babies were most likely not in the picture since invitro was expensive...they got busy with their lives and moved forward...
   one night Greg and I were eating at Sizzler in Perris and in walked Sam and he with something in her hand...dumb me, I didn't know what it was, they had to explain...it was a positive pregnancy test...WHAT??????????????? how could this be??????????????? even as happy as my heart felt at that point, my head could not wrap around this miracle and I refused to believe until many loooooooooooooooong weeks later when we witnessed with our own eyes the little miracle on ultrasound...we all were thrilled...
   
   so back to what I was talking about...we had bought a really cute unisex outfit for Samantha to bring the baby home from the hospital...every ultrasound that had been done, the legs were always crossed and so we never really knew what the baby was...I was sure all along that the baby was a boy...this is where I got started buying on ebay, buying cute baby boy clothes, that is how sure I was...so, Samantha was in labor for days and on a Sunday evening, the Dr. decided that enough was enough and they were going to do a Csection...my friend Val came down, the nurse came out and I asked her and she wouldn't tell me, thinking that maybe he had not told us yet...so, we waited on pins and needles and finally they wheeled out the bassinet and there it was a little pink, yes I said pink card on the basket...I am not sure when it really did dawn on me, I HAVE A GRAND DAUGHTER...everyone was crowded around the baby and I could not get a good view, but my friend kept nudging me up closer...it was one of the best days of my life...they let me go back and see Samantha and they brought the baby back in and I got to hold her and let me tell you, there is nothing better in the world...I finally had the girl, I finally could go buy PINK...now, the outfit that was waiting to bring the baby home in was darling and I still remember it...from Carters, it was all white, with silver stars (good for unisex)the whole set was in the suitcase, the gown, hat, blanket, onesie, everything... but now not good enough for a grand daughter of mine...do I have to say what we did next??? OK...we went to the Carter's store and bought everything pink I could get my hands on and the set that we picked to go home in certainly lived up to being entirely and completely GIRLY...it was pink and accented with pink roses and had the blanket, hat, gown, onesie, and these darling little pink crotched booties...the highlight of the set was the hat, sort of like a bakers hat, and since the little princess was born at a hefty 9-5, she had very chubby cheeks and the hat only accentuated those cheeks...(when we took her for her first pediatrician's appt. the nurse behind the desk, went crazy over how cute she looked and asked if she could go show her off...we let her of course...even the dr. thought she was darling...
   btw we still have the white unisex set put away somewhere...
   
   ok ok, I was a little off subject but not that far..............back to the night she was born, someone had tears in his eyes that night and I truly thought we were headed down the correct path for the rest of HER life...
   
   

anyone can be a father but............

I simply love to see dads out with their kids...usually every night (hey at least we try) Zoe and I like to take walks after dinner...we'll walk to 7-11, or Rite Aid for ice cream or just around our neighborhoods...I like to see other gardens and then steal those ideas for my own...lol...

so, back to topic...we almost always run into people also out walking and usually there is this one guy who walks with his baby girl in a stroller...nice guy, always speaks and the baby is cute...I love that...don't know if I am seeing it more and more or what??? when my own kids were little, I didn't see it so much...think that was more of the times that the dads worked hard so the moms could stay home with the kids and the dads were tired when they came home...hey, we did good financially when Greg worked all of the overtime that he did but, looking back now, did we sacrifice money for time spent with the kids??? Greg did try, don't get me wrong...he was the coach for several of their baseball and soccer teams (but none of my kids are sports enthused) and he went to their school functions and took the boys to scouts...I can also remember when we lived in Hawthorne, going for walks around the high school track field and taking field trips to museums and beaches but, it was always at my urgings...we were together as a family...every Friday night, especially when I went back to work at Centinela Hospital (best job ever...) we went to the Redondo Bch Galleria and ate and shopped, and we enjoyed that time...when the kids were off of school, Greg would take a day off and we would field trip to museums and take a picnic lunch...(the menu was always the same, never changed...egg salad sandwiches, bbq chips, apples and pecan sandies...)
I also found this book (don't remember the name) but it was about doing things with your kids in LA...we took advantage of the book and even after I was working, would pack picnics and take the kids to all kinds of parks and beaches...my favorite was a beach in San Pedro (I think) up on a cliff...since I had worked that day, the night before I had cooked and packed and all was ready when we got home...the one time we had teriakyi beef strips, macaroni salad, veggies and dessert and we had invited Greg's mom to go with us...we bbg'd and had a blast watching the sunset from the beach...so we did have good times and good memories, right???

my question is, should I have pushed more for one on one time with each of them with their dad??? I realize looking back now, I can't change what happened, but would the dynamics of this family have been different if he had stepped up more??? and Greg, if you read this, I am not saying anything bad about you...I absolutely know that you did the very best that you could have...we all do...we don't set out to do things (especially important ones like raising kids) wrong, do we???

multi tasking ???

syfy

had to add this picture of Sian being a computer nerd on my computer...

still not better...

on Thursday, Zoe's one day of school, I also had a board mtg at the preschool...since Zoe doesn't go to school every day, I now find it difficult to get her ready on the ONE day of school...OMGosh, there is lunch to get ready, feed her breakfast, get her dressed, have her brush her teeth, get her back pack together..ohhhhh almost forgot her four medicines of the day, 2 of which are breathing treatments...and they each take time....did I forget anything??? and this one day stresses me...how did I do it every single day??? and by 7:30 every morning???

so. anyway do all of the above and go to my mtg. and the school calls the preschool and guess what??? Zoe is sick...here is a picture of what she did for the rest of the day...

zozo, syfy and cj

decided to start a family blog, mostly about the grand kids...but also about our daily life (however dull that may be) and post recipes and other things that are important to our family...

these kids, what can I say??? they are just the best, even when life is frantic and frazzelled and overwhelming...I would not trade one of these guys...grandchildren are simply the best...as a mom, I was always busy and maybe did not enjoy my own children's childhood as much as I should have...don't get me wrong, I think I was a GOOD mother, but I am a terrific grandmother...I now realize how fast life can pass us by...I sit more and play with the little ones, than I maybe did with my own...saying that makes me sad, but at the same time, cannot change the past...I can only do better for the future...

this actually was one of my new year's resolutions (tho I rarely make them, cause I do not follow thru...) but, with this one, I have to make it better...but also saying that makes me realize I am still sadly lacking in following thru...life has a way of making your day's hectic and sometimes you just want the day to end...I will (really I will) make this week better...

Zoe of course spent the night last night (is getting more and more since her parents have seperated) but she got up really well and was dressed before I got out of the shower...it didn't hurt that she had brand new clothes from Crazy 8 to wear that had just come in the mail yesterday...I was surprised that she actually liked what I bought...when I bought online, I really liked the set, but was afraid that she would hate it...

http://www.crazy8.com/index.jsp and check out the whole strawberry set...sooooooo cute...

then, I had greg take me to the mall to find the matching shoes, and they only had one pair, and they were in her size...YEAH...

had Si and Cj today and it went well...with all three kids together it gets noisy, but they also had fun...I had found a huge fire truck on sale after Christmas and was saving it, but gave it to Cj today anway and he loved it...had to carry this big truck out to the car when they left...
Sam Zoe Si and I walked up to Goodwill...was surprised that Si did not complain once (she hates to walk) but she had ridden Zoe's scooter and Zoe rode her bike...took the girls for donuts and drinks while Sam got some jeans at Goodwill...were going to go get some ice cream also, but it started thundering and lightening so, we hurried home...since we had tornado warnings a couple of months ago, Zoe gets very worried about storms...
made the kids hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for lunch...Zoe said that she liked the macaroni and cheese and was stuffing her face...she asked who made it and I said Kraft, and she puts her fork down and said, "oh I don't like Kraft..." what is up with that???

after the kids went home, had to go to Wal Mart cause our microwave bit the big one...came home and made tacos for dinner...

Sam just called and asked if I would watch Zozo so she could go out with friends for a little while...I said yes, cause she has not been out forever and she had sort of a rough day with a certain someone...will blog about that later...