start out by saying: I did not write this, borrowed from another blog but it is so intune with how I feel that I felt compelled to write about it...
the other blogger wrote about a friend of hers and she said, "One of my favorite qualities in a friend is the ability to find happiness. No matter how much rain falls, she waits happily for the rainbow. No matter how much trash piles up around her,... she spots the treasure. No matter how much chaos fills her life, she always seems to keep calm." she then goes onto say that would make the perfect friend...
I am taking it to mean the figurative "when it rains, it pours" type of deal that I wrote about last night...there are some people that that always seems to be the case...something is always going on with them and sometimes that is me...right now there is so much going on but, I do not feel that I have been the best of friends through my rain storms and so I apologize to my friends...I will try harder to watch happily for the rainbow at the end of the raining, I will sort through the "trash" to find the treasure, the little glimmer of hope, and when chaos is reigning down upon me, I will work very hard at trying to remain calm (even if that entails a Xanax or a Mudslide, LOL...)...my true friends (you know who you are) will accept my apology for not being a better friend and they will help and support me through my new venture...
I tell my kids all the time that they are the only person that can make their life better, they alone are responsible for their own happiness...I do not always abide by my own rules...
this was the perfect blog to come across this morning...
it is most definitely a very hard job to dig yourself out of the deep hole of depression you put yourself in...I know I have been there many times, too many times that I care to remember and it is so totally not fair to others around me, incl the dog...I am going to try harder...I do not want to be remembered when I die as the mom, the grandma that was always depressed...
my doctor has given me antidepressants before but they always have had weird side effects...so I had a talk with him yesterday and told him that I really researched them on the interent and I had an idea of which one I wanted to try and he gave it to me...I told him that I hate it and I hate myself when I get into one of those deep dark funky moods that is so hard to get out of...told him, when the dog eating her food gets on my nerves, it is time to ask for help...he agreed...
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